Unwanted contact and grooming

Socialising online can help children build friendships, but it can also put them at risk.

Unwanted contact is any online communication your child finds unpleasant, confronting or unsafe. It can come from strangers, online “friends” they’ve never met face-to-face, or even someone they know. The most serious risk is grooming — when someone builds a relationship with a child to later abuse them, often by moving conversations to webcam or pressuring for sexual images.

How to deal with unwanted contact

For younger children, make sure accounts aren’t public and agree on what’s OK to share. Older children should review privacy settings so only friends can contact them.

Ask them to go through followers/friends and remove people they don’t actually know.

Encourage your child to tell you about any contact that feels wrong. Help them block and report the person through the app/site.

Only accept requests if there are trusted mutual friends — otherwise, decline.

How does online grooming work?

Grooming involves building a relationship with a child to later abuse them. Groomers may:

• Use platforms popular with children and pretend to be young.
• Collect personal details to build trust and connection.
• Create secrecy, isolating the child from friends/family.
• Test the child’s boundaries about sexual topics or images.
• Send sexualised material and ask for images or a meeting.

The risk increases if your child…

• Posts personal details publicly or doesn’t use privacy controls.
• Accepts friend requests from strangers.
• Responds to anonymous users, spam or pop-ups.
• Spends time on adult-targeted sites, chats or dating platforms.
• Uses sexualised usernames or shares sexualised images.

How can I protect my child?

• Explore sites, apps and chats together and discuss potential risks.
• If worried about hidden activity, have an open conversation first; checking history should be a last resort.
• Know who they socialise with online vs. real life.

• Keep communication calm so they come to you if something doesn’t feel right.
• Reassure them they won’t be blamed if someone pressures them.

• Use privacy settings so only known friends can connect.
• Use a first name or nickname online; never share phone, address or school.
• Don’t send images that reveal identity; younger kids shouldn’t post photos without permission.

• Explain how an “online friend” might try to push boundaries or ask for secrets/favours.
• Young people exploring sexuality can be more vulnerable — keep the conversation going (see our page on online pornography).

Warning signs for your child

Encourage them to be wary if an online “friend”:

• Asks many personal questions soon after meeting.
• Offers gifts/favours and expects things in return.
• Wants secrecy — saying it’s “special” just between them.
• Contacts them frequently across different apps/channels.
• Asks who else uses their device or where it’s kept.
• Comments on their body/appearance or asks sexualised questions.
• Insists on meeting or threatens if they refuse.

Establish safety guidelines for meeting online “friends” face-to-face

• Prefer to keep online friends online; if meeting, always ask a parent first.
• Only meet in public, in daytime, with a parent or trusted adult present.
• Always tell a trusted adult where they’re going and who with.

What to do if something goes wrong

• Explain that even adults can be tricked into doing things they regret.
• Be non-judgemental so they keep talking to you.
• Don’t cut off internet access entirely — this may be seen as punishment.

Call the police immediately or the child helpline if their physical safety is at risk.

• Before blocking/deleting, take screenshots and record dates/times.
• If sexualised images of under-18s are involved, do not save or share the files — possession may be illegal even for evidence. Seek guidance from authorities.

• Block the person and report through the platform.
• Grooming and procuring children online are crimes — contact your local police.

This material has been adapted with permission from the Australian Government eSafety Commissioner . Permission to adapt content does not constitute endorsement of material by the eSafety Commissioner.